Handling Sibling Rivalry: How to Teach Kids Conflict Resolution

Sibling fights are inevitable—but they don’t have to be destructive. Whether it’s fighting over a toy, arguing about fairness, or just general sibling chaos, these moments can actually be opportunities to teach conflict resolution.

In a recent episode of Big Little Emotions, SEL expert Aanchal Bhutani shared how parents can validate emotions, set boundaries, and teach problem-solving skills to help siblings navigate conflicts in a healthy way.

Why Do Siblings Fight?

Before we dive into solutions, let’s understand why sibling conflicts happen: ✅ Competition for attention – Kids naturally seek parental approval.✅ Different personalities & needs – One child may be calm, while the other is more assertive.✅ Struggles over control – Sharing toys, space, or parental affection can create tension.✅ Lack of problem-solving skills – Young children don’t yet know how to resolve conflicts on their own.

“It’s normal for siblings to fight. The goal is not to stop conflict but to teach them how to handle it.” – Anchal Bhutani

How to Handle Sibling Rivalry Without Losing Your Mind

1️⃣ Validate Their Emotions Before Problem-Solving

When your child says, “He took my toy!” your first instinct might be to jump in and fix it. Instead, pause and validate their emotions:

❌ “Stop fighting! It’s just a toy.”✅ “I see that you’re upset because your brother took your toy. That must be frustrating.”

“Validation doesn’t mean agreeing—it means acknowledging feelings so kids feel heard.” – Anchal Bhutani

2️⃣ Teach Emotional Vocabulary

Many fights happen because kids can’t express how they feel. Help them name emotions with prompts:

• “Are you feeling angry, frustrated, or sad?”

• “Can you show me how you feel on our emotion chart?”

“When kids can name their emotions, they can manage them better.” – Anchal Bhutani

3️⃣ Create a “Pause & Reset” Routine

Instead of punishing kids for fighting, give them tools to cool down before solving the problem:

• Stomping Area – Let kids release energy by jumping or stomping (modeled after SEL classrooms).

• Deep Breathing Exercise – Try “Hot Chocolate Breathing” (smell the cocoa, blow to cool it down).

• Calm-Down Corner – A safe space with books and stress balls to regulate emotions.

4️⃣ Encourage Problem-Solving Together

Once kids are calm, guide them to find solutions: ✅ “What can we do so both of you feel happy?”✅ “Would you like to take turns with the toy?”✅ “Can we come up with a rule about sharing?”

“Instead of solving the conflict for them, guide them to find their own solutions. This builds lifelong problem-solving skills.” – Anchal Bhutani

5️⃣ Set Clear Boundaries

Some behaviors, like hitting or name-calling, need firm boundaries: ❌ “You’re angry, so you can hit your brother.”✅ “I see you’re mad, but we don’t hurt others. Let’s find another way to express anger.”

When to Step In vs. Let Them Work It Out

🔹 Step in when: There’s physical aggression, bullying, or emotional harm.🔹 Let them work it out when: It’s a minor disagreement and both kids are safe.

“Kids need the chance to solve their own problems, but they also need guidance on how to do it.” – Anchal Bhutani

Final Thoughts

Sibling fights won’t disappear overnight, but with validation, problem-solving, and clear boundaries, you can teach your kids lifelong conflict-resolution skills. Want more tools? Check out our SEL-based books & printables at Calm Kids. 😊