The Power of Emotional Validation: Why Kids Need to Feel Heard

Have you ever felt frustrated when your child throws a tantrum over something that seems small? As parents, our instinct is often to fix the problem or tell them to “calm down.” But what if the real solution is simply making them feel heard?

In a recent episode of Big Little Emotions, SEL expert Aanchal Bhutani shared why emotional validation is the key to helping children manage big emotions. Let’s break down what emotional validation is, why it matters, and how you can use it at home.

What Is Emotional Validation?

Emotional validation is the act of acknowledging and accepting a child’s feelings—even if you don’t agree with them. Instead of saying, “Stop crying, it’s not a big deal,” validation sounds like:

✅ “I see that you’re upset. It’s okay to feel this way.”

✅ “I understand that you’re angry because your toy broke. That must be frustrating.”

As Aanchal Bhutani explains:

“Unless a person feels heard and knows their emotions matter, they can’t take the next step. Even for adults—if someone ignores your feelings, you only get more frustrated.”

Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with everything your child says, but it does mean acknowledging their emotions are real.

Why Is Emotional Validation Important?

Many of us grew up in households where emotions weren’t always talked about. But research shows that when kids feel heard, they learn to regulate emotions better. Here’s why validation is essential:

📌 Helps kids calm down faster – They don’t need to fight for attention.

📌 Teaches emotional intelligence – Kids learn to identify and name their feelings.📌 Strengthens parent-child trust – They feel safe coming to you with big emotions.📌 Encourages healthy social skills – Validated kids are better at resolving conflicts.

“A child does not need a perfect adult. A child needs a work-in-progress adult who is learning alongside them.” – Aanchal Bhutani

How to Validate Your Child’s Feelings (Even When It’s Hard)

1️⃣ Listen First, Solve Later

When kids are overwhelmed, they need connection before correction. Instead of jumping to a solution, try:

❌ “It’s just a small problem. Forget about it.”

✅ “That sounds really tough. Do you want to talk about it?”

2️⃣ Use Emotion Labels

Many kids struggle to name their feelings. Help them build emotional vocabulary:

• “Are you feeling sad, frustrated, or disappointed?”

• “Can you show me your emotion on our feelings chart?” 

“In the classroom, we use emoji charts. Kids point to how they feel before we talk. Parents can do this at home too!” – Aanchal Bhutani

3️⃣ Validate First, Then Guide

If your child is angry after losing a game, don’t say, “It’s okay, you’ll win next time.” Instead, try:

✅ “I see you’re frustrated because you lost. Losing can be hard.”

✅ “Would you like to talk about how to handle it differently next time?”

4️⃣ Role-Play Conflict Resolution

“If a child is fighting over a toy, we pause and ask: ‘How do you feel? How do you think your friend feels?’” – Aanchal Bhutani

Help your child practice saying:

• “I feel upset when you take my toy.”

• “Can we take turns instead?”

5️⃣ Model Emotional Regulation

Your child learns by watching you:

• Instead of snapping, say “I’m feeling frustrated. I need to take deep breaths.”

When NOT to Validate

Validation does not mean allowing bad behavior. It’s important to set clear boundaries:

❌ “I understand you’re mad, so you can hit your brother.”

✅ “I see you’re angry, but hitting is not okay. Let’s find another way to express that feeling.”

“You can validate emotions while still setting firm boundaries. Kids need to know all feelings are okay, but not all behaviors are.” – Aanchal Bhutani

Final Thoughts

As Anchal Bhutani said in our podcast:

“Validation is not about making emotions disappear. It’s about helping kids process them in a healthy way.”

By using emotional validation daily, you’ll see fewer tantrums, stronger communication, and a more secure, emotionally intelligent child. Ready to start? Explore our SEL books & printables at Calm Kids. 😊